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So Hungry
“If you were going to be eaten by an animal, what animal would you want it to be?”
Claire gaped at Riley. “Huh?” It wasn’t a question she expected while watching Love Island, her favorite trashy show. Riley was the new roommate in the house they shared with three other students, and in just three weeks they’d bonded over guilty pleasure streaming. “Bachelor in Paradise” was likely next.
Riley swirled her wine. “Thought exercise, I came up with it today in stats class. Pick any animal. No dinosaurs, it has to be a real animal now.”
Claire paused the show. The freeze frame had someone in mid-yell, baring their teeth.
“Uh, okay. Well, I’d want to die quick.”
Riley nodded, turning her attention away from the TV and entirely to Claire. “Yup, good call. So army ants are out. Can’t have that.”
Claire hated bugs. She shivered. “Yeah, no… okay, like, a shark! A big one.”
Riley pondered that. “Are you sure? It looked painful in Jaws. They take chunks out of you. I don’t think they eat you all at once.”
Claire drank her own wine. “Well, maybe a snake? If the poison kills you first, you know. Can a snake kill someone really quick?”
Riley grinned; she was very pretty. Claire wasn’t usually into girls, and was pretty sure Riley wasn’t either, but Riley had a magnetic, fluid grace to her. “See, now you’re thinking strategically. But, sorry, poisonous snakes don’t eat people. The ones that do are the ones that squeeze you to death. That might be slow.”
Now Claire was starting to get into the intellectual exercise of it all. She put her feet up on the coffee table; the roommate who owned it, Alyssa, would freak if she saw that, but everyone else was gone for the weekend. “Yeah that’s no good. Piranha… no, that’s little bites, that’d be awful. Crocodiles! Or alligators.”
Riley thought about that one. “Hmmm, I hadn’t thought of those. That might be a good choice. I think they drag you underwater first though.”
“You know your dangerous animals.”
“I do,” Riley agreed, “I definitely do. So is that your choice?”
“Electric eel,” Claire said. “They stun you!”
“Not sure they eat people either. I agree it’s a good choice if they do, that’s actually a great point, but I am pretty sure they don’t eat humans,” Riley nodded. “Good answer though. We need a provisional choice, if they don’t lunch on folks.”
“Well, what was yours?”
“Tiger. They’re huge and they go for the back of your neck, to try to kill you fast. That’s what you’d want. To die quickly. Believe me.”
Claire shook her head. “They’re like lions, right? I’ve seen lions eat animals on BBC Earth. Half the time they’re still alive while they get eaten.”
Riley frowned. “Maybe tigers are different.”
Claire said, “Dogs. There you go! Eaten by the cutest animal in the world.”
Riley turned towards her, swinging her legs up on the sofa and folding them underneath her. “No, sounds painful. Their mouths aren’t that big. Little bites. That’s what you need to avoid, lots of bites.” Riley offered her wine glass. “But here’s to man’s best friend anyway.”
They clinked glasses and drank. Claire was struck, as she had been before, on Riley’s remarkable eyes, sky blue. Hypnotizing. “Well, what about people?”
“Humans?” asked Riley, her eyebrows shooting up. “What a fascinating answer.”
“Sure, why not? Humans eat other animals. But they kill them first, you know. Hunting, farming. That’d be a humane way to go.”
“But if they don’t kill you, little bites,” Riley said.
Claire was tiring of the game and they still hadn’t finished Love Island. “I dunno, I guess tigers are okay, too. You were right, big chomps. Humans have little bites.” She yawned.
Riley said, “Oh, but humans are so much more dangerous than tigers.”
Riley put her wine glass down. She shifted over on the couch, and Claire found herself amazed. Riley was hitting on her? She didn’t want this, though. So she went to put a hand up… but couldn’t. Her arm felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. She tried to say something, but she could barely do that either. Her ears were buzzing, her vision becoming unfocused.
“I’m sorry about the wine, Claire,” Riley whispered. She put her glass down and positioned herself over Claire. Her eyes were so deep, so blue, and now Claire noticed her teeth were sharp. Very sharp. The shape of her jaw was different now. Her nails were longer. “But this is much easier if you’re cooperative. I’m so hungry, and you look so delicious.” She licked her lips and began.
Whatever Riley had given her, it paralyzed Claire’s limbs, but not her nerves. There were so many little bites.
Richard Jones Writes 